The longer I do this job, the more I’ve come to appreciate just how hard it is for a mom to rise to the occasion and deliver her best day after day, week after week for a child who may never make enough progress so that she can attend an IFSP or IEP meeting and not want to cry, or die, or both.

That takes some guts. And commitment. And strength that mothers of children who are typically developing will never, ever know.  

To all of those moms of toddlers with developmental challenges, I want to give you a big round of applause and tell you just how awesome I think you are this Mother’s Day. No one knows how hard it really is to live a day of your life unless they too have done it.      

I’ve also come to the point, both personally and professionally, that I can look at the worst moments I’ve seen with families as another opportunity to learn how I can best help a child. 

Even moms who are obviously struggling have done something right. Unless therapy services are provided  by court order, that mom somehow found a way to get her child help. For that decision alone, she deserves a huge dose of respect. Our colleagues who work in public schools will tell us that there are kids who show up on the first day of  kindergarten with significant language delays who have never been referred for an eval or seen for one minute of therapy. 

I remind myself of that any time I’m tempted to think anything less of a mom I’m working with or who’s writing me for advice. No matter what else has gone wrong in her world, if she’s out there looking for help for her kid, she’s doing something right.  

Beyond initial respect, what else can we do to support moms of toddlers with special needs? 

Here’s a list I’ve come up with for professionals who work in early intervention. Our job is different from therapists who work with older children and adults. We’re the first very representation of our field, and we need to do things right from the start to help moms feel supported on what can be a very long road with a toddler with delays.   

1. Answer her questions honestly. 

A child may have been to many specialists before seeing you. For a multitude of reasons, pediatricians, geneticists, orthopedic docs and even neurologists who see a child with an involved history and multiple medical problems can neglect to tell parents that a child will not learn to talk on time. Don’t assume that a family knows what’s expected, even when there’s already a firm diagnosis in place.    

You may be the very first professional a family sees beyond the pediatrician. It’s very likely you’ll be the only person who’s definitively confirming that things aren’t going well.  

No matter how many other people parents have seen or will see in the future, tell the truth. Give your honest opinion about what’s going on with a child with compassion and with the utmost sensitivity always keeping in mind that you’re talking about someone’s baby.  

This situation can be unsettling for some therapists, particularly when a child has significant delays.

Delivering this news will sometimes mean confirming the worst case scenario for a mom who’s already sick with worry. In grad school they didn’t tell you that part of your job title on some days is “Dream Killer.”  

Being honest can make you very uncomfortable, but withholding information to spare your own uneasiness isn’t right.  

Therapists in early intervention programs can feel that they are not in a position to offer an official diagnosis, yet they hold off on referring a child to another professional who could. Sometimes therapists themselves want to “wait and see.” That too, in my opinion, isn’t right. If a parent has questions you can’t answer, refer them to someone who can. It is our responsibility to help parents find answers to their questions, even when it’s painful for everyone involved. I hope I never take this position lightly, no matter how many years of experience I manage to rack up.

There’s a bright side to being honest too…

Fortunately for those of us who are pediatric therapists, being honest also means that you get to share some pretty fantastic news:

Early intervention gives a child his very best shot at achieving his highest potential.

Neuroplasticity is a wonderful concept. By putting the right strategies in place with very young children, we can literally change their brains.

How cool is that???

Does that mean that all children we see for therapy will eventually function within normal limits? Certainly not, but we can usually tell parents with a high degree of confidence that getting services early will make a difference as opposed to no treatment at all.  

2. Listen to a mom’s responses carefully.

As therapists we can ask the right questions, but we may miss very, very important information because we’re not really hearing a parent’s answers. 

A mom’s responses can let you know that she doesn’t really understand the nature of her child’s issues. Don’t miss that opportunity to clarify and educate (and re-educate…). For most of us, it took a master’s degree to learn all that we know about child development. Years of experience have taught us what those classes didn’t. Moms don’t have this same knowledge base, so we need to share what we know as we ask and answer questions about her child.  

A mom’s responses can also tell you that she doesn’t understand what you do and how your services can benefit her and her child. Take the time to explain exactly what her child is doing that differs from what you hope to see. Discuss your treatment plan and strategies every single session so that she sees what you see and knows what you want to accomplish during therapy.

If that differs from what mom sees and wants, you need to know! In this case, you’ll want to adjust your plan, her expectations, or both!   

A mom’s responses can also tell you when she’s overwhelmed. If mom is telling you that a strategy doesn’t work,  she didn’t have time to work with her child, or things are no better, listen to her! Figure out a way to make it easier for her to follow-through. Rarely does a mom who invests her time and energy into getting her child help not want to do her part too.

Occasionally a mom’s responses will tell you that she’s waiting on you to wave your “Magic Speech Wand” to “fix” what’s wrong, but even that illusion can be overturned with a gentle conversation. Thankfully, once a therapist becomes skilled at explaining therapy and gets a parent to buy into the treatment plan, that kind of response becomes the exception rather than the rule.

3.  For some moms “less is more.” 

By this I don’t mean fewer visits or providers as some state early intervention programs have mandated. 

I’m talking about the strategies and ideas we recommend for families during a visit.

In our zeal to help, we can overwhelm moms with too many recommendations and add to the sense that things are beyond their control.

As a therapist do you ever find yourself providing one great suggestion after another and are met with a deer in the headlights look? Do moms seem to shake their heads in agreement, but not follow through? Does a mom appear to be tuning you out when you speak to her?  

When that’s the case, she’s telling you that she needs less, not more. 

I’d rather a mom concentrate on a few things that she can and will do with her child rather than giving her a whole list of things that will never get done.

Some moms can handle only one new idea at a time. I’ve finally learned this lesson and gauge my recommendations on what I’m seeing and hearing from a mom from visit to visit.  

Less can be more and THAT’S OKAY.

4. Don’t just tell a mom how to help her child; show her.

In this age of the consultative model and the “No Toy Bag” rule in state early intervention programs, we’re forgetting a very important aspect of our jobs.

The mom you’re seeing doesn’t know how to do therapy with her kid!

She doesn’t have a degree in speech pathology, occupational therapy, or early childhood education. She doesn’t know what to do.

Would you be there if she did???

A mom needs you to teach her how to work with her child.

Many of us don’t learn best from a lecture alone. In fact, for some adults who are visual or hands-on learners, you’d might as well be the Charlie Brown teacher. All those parents hear you say is, “Wah wah wah wah.” 

Parents need to SEE you do what you’re recommending. Then they probably need to think about it and watch some more. Finally, they’ll be ready to do it themselves with feedback to tweak what’s not going well.

Hands-off approaches are NOT what we’re trained to do as SLPs, OTs, and PTs in our educational programs. As a therapist you’ll need to learn to defend why your direct intervention IS necessary to determine the best approaches for helping a child and his family.     

Demonstrating and modeling treatment strategies with a child as the parent observes IS parent education. Don’t let anyone tell you that this is no longer needed and ineffective.

To prove my point, let me ask you this question: how did you learn to do therapy? Did you simply listen to a lecture and then proceed to the clinic to work with children, or were there observation hours involved first? Did you dive right in with clients after a few words of advice, or did your clinical supervisors watch you like a hawk and critique you until you got it right?

Exactly!

We listened to lectures, read, watched someone else do it first, and THEN we moved on to doing therapy ourselves.

That’s how every other adult learns to do therapy too. 

The next time you’re in doubt, ask a child’s mother if she’d rather you tell her what to do or have you show her how to do it. I’ve never met a mom who turns down the demonstration. You will never go wrong showing a parent exactly what to do with her child.

(If necessary for your program or agency, document that mom requested a visual model of the technique.)       

5. Let a mom know that you’re there just as much for her as you are for her child.

This statement takes care of moms who don’t want to participate. By telling her that you’re there for her too, she becomes an important part of the treatment plan. You frequently ask for her comments, questions, and feedback throughout the visit. Her presence is welcomed in sessions, not mandated by the state or an agency policy. The message of “we’re in this together” can be powerful.    

While most of us are not social workers, psychologists, and have little desire to be a mom’s friend, some days, that’s what a mom needs more than anything. I’m all for maintaining boundaries and keeping things professional, but especially for those of us who do home visits in early intervention, we need to meet mom where she is and go from there.

This also reduces the possibility that moms feel ”judged.” 

Unless, of course, you’re doing just that. Many moms of children with special needs feel so much misplaced, unnecessary guilt over their child’s unavoidable situation that they can’t bear one more ounce of unreasonable pressure. Let go of any tendency to overtly or unconsciously blame parents for developmental issues, even if you do feel that there are things in a child’s environment that are less than optimal. Except for situations of severe abuse and neglect, almost every child on your caseload would likely have had a delay anyway, regardless of the kind of parenting he’s received. 

In case you’re thinking that this doesn’t happen, how many times have you heard a therapist remark something like, “He gets away with everything at home. No wonder he’s the way he is.” Isn’t that a statement of judgment? Do we really want to go back to the time when we blamed a child’s mother for everything that goes wrong developmentally? If you’re in doubt, read the information on the causes of autism from the 1950’s and 1960’s. It’s scary!   

When you do observe things that can be improved, give mom the information and assistance she needs to make the change and move on from there. Criticizing her week after week will probably only make things worse. Truth be told, she may think you’re not so great at your job either…

You’ve probably read this quote before, but it’s so applicable here:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Making a mom feel heard, valued, and supported may be the best thing you ever do for a child on your caseload.

That’s important every day, but especially now! 

If you haven’t told the moms of the kids you see “Happy Mother’s Day,” it’s not too late!

Start out the visit this week with those words. She may not have heard that greeting from anyone, and you may never know how much she desperately needs it. 

If you’re the mom of a toddler with developmental challenges, I want to tell you myself…

Happy Mother’s Day! 

In my mind, you’ve certainly earned it.

Below is an excerpt from my book Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual.

This is the first response I give to any mom who asks, “What can I do to help my toddler learn more words?”

Teach USABLE Words and Teach by DOING

“The brain learns best through exploration and interaction with real people!”                ~ braininsights.blogspot.com

There’s a very popular article on my website called, “Ditch the Bells, Whistles, Flashing Lights, DVDs, & ABCs!” Among my recommendations, I emphasize the importance of using toys to teach functional vocabulary to toddlers with language delays. Parents, and even some early intervention professionals, often emphasize the WRONG kinds of words. Who cares if a child can count by rote or identify shapes, colors, and letters when he doesn’t understand a simple, real life command like, “Go get your shoes.” 

While children become hyper-focused on these kinds of skills on their own due to their preferences for visual patterns, adults often emphasize these concepts thinking it’s educational. Toy manufacturers have duped parents into believing that these are important academic concepts that must be hammered into our children from infancy.

In our profession, we’ve all encountered children who recognize letters and numbers or even those who could read by the ripe, old age of 2 or 3, but who also struggle to answer simple questions. What good are all of those academic concepts when a child can’t use and understand language in order to get his needs met?

In his books and on his website Dr. James Macdonald, speech-language pathologist, shares his belief that an overemphasis on this kind of academic information shuts down early communicative attempts and drives children away from us.

I believe that teaching these academic concepts by rote memorization is even worse for some children. When a toddler is able to spit out those kinds of words on request, it may actually prevent parents from recognizing the severity of his comprehension issues. How many times have we tried to explain a child’s developmental issue to disbelieving parents (or grandparents) who’ve never considered that a child might have a language comprehension or auditory processing problem because he knows his letters and numbers? Mom and Dad might think the child has an attention problem, a behavioral issue, or even social awkwardness, but all of that “data” masked the fact that the child exhibits a very real communication disorder. They wonder or may even ask you, “How can he have a problem learning language if he can already talk?”

To combat this myth, educate parents and the other professionals you encounter in your practice. Practice what you preach too! Don’t emphasize colors, shapes, letters, and numbers in therapy sessions UNTIL a child’s language skills are functional and near an age-appropriate level. As a rule, I ask parents to wait to talk about these kinds of words until a child is using phrases consistently and has a vocabulary of at least 50 “real” words to ask for what he needs. From a receptive language perspective, this certainly would include being able to understand and follow a variety of directions in every day routines.  

If a child demonstrates a strong preference for these kinds of words, meaning that he uses these words perseveratively or prefers activities with these concepts, I might incorporate his preferences as a way to improve attention and participation. Use them to target more complex auditory processing during games or even in expressive tasks for phrase practice if he’s not able to use other word combinations yet. However, I never teach these concepts formally as a “goal” for very young children, particularly during these early developmental phases. 

What kinds of words should we target? On the next page is a list of the most common words present in the vocabulary of typically developing toddlers according lists compiled from Dr. Rossetti’s work and sources from Nancy Swigert’s Early Intervention Kit.

This list may be helpful for parents during your initial visits when you’re talking about the kinds of words to target in daily routines. Feel free to copy and share the next page with your families. 

TEACHING FIRST WORDS

Naming Words (Nouns) ball, book, choo-choo, train, bike, rain, bubbles, car, truck, boat, plane, baby, bowl, spoon, diaper, sock, shoe, shirt, pants, hat, star, flower, house, tree, brush, towel, bath, chair, table, bed, blanket, light, cookie, cracker, chip, cheese, apple, banana, ice cream, cereal (Cheerios/ “O’s”), candy, milk, juice, water, dog, cat, fish, bird, duck, cow, horse, bunny, bear, pig, lion, elephant, butterfly, bee, frog, alligator, snake   

Names for Favorite People Mama, Dada, names for a child’s siblings, pet names, grandparents & other family members, sitter, and favorite characters such as Elmo, Dora, Diego, etc…

Social Function Words more, please, thank you, hi/hello, bye bye, again, sorry, uh-oh, yes/uh-huh/okay, no/uh-uh

Common Action Words (Verbs) eat, drink, go, stop, run, jump, walk, sleep/night night, wash, kiss, open, close, push, pull, fix, broke, play, want, hug, love, hurt, tickle, ”gimme”, all gone, all done, dance, help, fall, shake, see, watch, look, sit, stand (up), throw, catch, blow, cry, throw, swing, slide, climb, ride, rock, ”C’mon”, color/draw      

Location Words (Prepositions) up, down, in, out, off, on, here, there

Descriptive Words (Adjectives/Adverbs) big, little, hot, cold, loud, quiet, yucky, icky, scary, funny, silly, dirty, clean, gentle, wet, soft, fast, slow

Early Pronouns me, mine, my, I, you, it

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Teach New Words By DOING!                                                                                                                               

How do we teach these words to toddlers? Teach by DOING! Use the target word during play or in a common daily routine such as mealtime or dressing. Using pictures or flashcards to teach any new word is NOT recommended as the sole method for teaching children at this developmental level. Toddlers learn best by doing! So…. PLAY! Spend time on the floor with your toddler every day with the goal of teaching him new words.  

Toddlers need to hear and use a new word at least 20 times to really learn it and make it “stick.”

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If you’d like to learn and SEE exactly HOW to do this, check out my DVD Teach Me To Talk. Click here for more information.  

This information is from my book Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual and is copyrighted to www.teachmetotalk.com. For more information about the book, click here.   

All teachmetotalk.com products are available for review and purchase here.

For more ideas to help you teach your child to understand and use language, check out my line of products here at teachmetotalk.com!

Click here for our newly completed store:

http://shop.teachmetotalk.com/

There are some special packages and deals listed there not found anywhere else on the website, so click here to skip to that page.

For my newly updated product recommendations, click here.

The products are described only in terms of “This is best for…” For full descriptions of each product, please scroll up and click the individual boxes with the product name. These are located in the right side column toward the top of this page.

Below the individual product listings, you’ll also find a list of recommendations by diagnosis or suspected diagnosis. Scroll down to RECOMMENDATIONS BY DIAGNOSIS. You’ll also find information about ordering sets which are offered at significant discounts over single products.

If after reading these descriptions, you feel you still need extra guidance with product selection, please email me with your specific questions at Laura@teachmetotalk.com.   

DVDs

Teach Me To Talk: The DVD was my first DVD and explains the basic beginning strategies appropriate for any toddler or preschooler who is not yet talking. Therapy clips with children ranging from 9 months old to 3 ½ years old highlight the six easiest and most successful ways to elicit first word attempts with young children during play-based activities.  This DVD is an excellent training tool for both families and professionals. Many practices require that new families view this DVD between the evaluation and first therapy session so that parents understand what therapy looks like and are equipped to target language at home. Therapists also use clips from this DVD to introduce a strategy by watching together with parents during a session and then implementing the strategy with the child. University graduate programs and practicum sites throughout the USA use this DVD during clinical training for speech-language pathologists and early childhood education majors. This DVD is also helpful for clinicians who may be new to early intervention and working with toddlers and their families not only because of the “how to” therapy examples, but also for providing a ”family-friendly script” to use in discussions with parents. (Regular price is $39.99)

Click here to order.  

Teach Me To Listen and Obey 1 discusses language comprehension deficits in very young children and demonstrates strategies for teaching toddlers to understand what words mean and to follow simple directions using an easy to understand cueing system. This DVD is most appropriate for parents and professionals working with toddlers who are functioning below the 24 month developmental level and those with significant receptive language delays. (Regular price - $29.99)

Click here to order.

Teach Me To Listen and Obey 2 discusses language comprehension deficits in very young children and demonstrates strategies for teaching toddlers to understand more complex kinds of words such as verbs, prepositions, and descriptive words and to follow more complicated two-step directions. This DVD is most appropriate for parents and professionals working with toddlers who are functioning at and above the 24 month developmental level to the 3 1/2 to 4 year old developmental level. This DVD also includes a special section on disciplinary strategies appropriate for toddlers with language delays and highlights the importance of considering a child’s developmental age in determining behavioral expectations. (Regular price is $39.99)

Order BOTH Receptive Language DVDs and SAVE!  The Set price is $54.99 for Teach Me To Listen and Obey 1 & 2.

Click here to order.  

Teach Me To Talk with Apraxia and Phonological Disorders is a 2 DVD set and discusses both motor and linguistic-based problems related to expressive communication disorders with a section on the diagnostic characteristics for both apraxia and phonological disorders. Examples of oral groping and other speech characeristics of apraxia are shown and discussed. Beginning therapy strategies are modeled with a variety of children between 2 and 4 years old. This DVD is by nature more technical than other DVDs, but is still appropriate for both parents and professionals. Sections are organized in sequential steps with easy-to-follow instructions to address first words and beginning speech intelligibility strategies both in sessions and at home. (Regular price is $69.99 for the 2 DVDs.)    

Therapy Manuals

Teach Me To Play WITH You is a therapy manual written for parents working with young children who have difficulty interacting socially with others. Instructions are included for beginning play with developmentally-appropriate activities using simple games and toys that are readily available in most homes. There are separate chapters with explicit directions, words, and hand motions for many familiar finger plays and traditional childhood songs. Activities are written so that professionals can copy pages of a specific activity, complete the activity during a session, and share the copy with parents with “homework.” The final chapter explains approximately 20 different common problems related to sensory processing issues that we see interfere with a child’s ability to engage others along with multiple strategies for addressing these challenges during play at home. (Regular price is $48)

Click here to order.

Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual is written specifically for speech-language pathologists and other early intervention professionals who work with young children birth to 4 with receptive and expressive language delays and disorders. Because this project was written for professionals, it may not be as family-friendly as other teachmetotalk.com products, but many committed mothers report that this manual gave them more direction and specific instructions for what to work on at home than any other resource they’ve used. This manual is especially helpful for goal writing and for designing fun and developmentally-appropriate treatment activities for toddlers and young children functioning from the 6-9 month developmental level up to the 48 month developmental level. It’s the ultimate “how to” tool for working with infants and toddlers with language delays. (Regular price is $54)

Click here to order.  

Building Verbal Imitation in Toddlers - NEW MAY 2012!  Learn the 8 levels of teaching a late talker to learn to imitate. Many times parents and therapists don’t see success with late talking toddlers because the adult isn’t working on the right things. The child actually needs to learn several “in-between” steps before he’s ready to begin to imitate words and learn to talk. Professional treatment plans can also fail when the techniques are too clinical for parents to be able to remember and practice at home with their own child. This simple, straight-forward approach is easy for both parents and therapists to understand and implement during familiar play-based activities and daily routines.

Click here to order.

RECOMMENDATIONS BY DIAGNOSIS 

Autism or Suspected Autism 

For most parents ordering the 3 DVD Set (Teach Me To Talk: The DVD and Teach Me To Listen and Obey 1 & 2) will be the most appropriate so that parents can SEE play-based therapy strategies with a variety of toddlers with both receptive and expressive language delays. The 3 DVD Set is specially priced at $84.99.

For parents who are looking for more specific instructions for how to engage a toddler who is difficult to connect with and teach during play, Teach Me To Play WITH You, is also recommended in addition to the 3 DVD set.   

For very committed parents who want a detailed step-by-step explanation of “how to” and “what to” work on for at-home therapy, order Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual, Teach Me To Play WITH You and the 3 DVD Set. This combination is also recommended for professionals who need additional resources and teaching tools to help families of toddlers who have been (or will be) newly diagnosed with autism.

Click here to go to the store.  

Mixed Receptive - Expressive Language Delay or Global Developmental Delay (such as Down Syndrome, prematurity, cerebral palsy, etc…) 

For most parents ordering the 3 DVD Set (Teach Me To Talk The DVD and Teach Me To Listen and Obey 1 & 2) will be most appropriate so that parents can SEE the therapy strategies with a variety of toddlers with both receptive and expressive language delays. The 3 DVD set is $84.99.

If the child is already following basic directions consistently, order Teach Me To Talk The DVD and Teach Me To Listen and Obey 2.

Very committed parents who want a detailed step-by-step explanation of “how to” and “what to” work on for at-home therapy, should order Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual and the 3 DVD Set.

The 3 DVD Set can be purchased for a discounted price (vs. ordering each product separately) in our store. Look for the bundle you’d like to order. Click here to go to the store.

Late Talker or Expressive Language Delay Only

If your child understands language at an age-appropriate level (meaning that he consistently follows  directions well for his age and is routinely interactive with you and a variety of other people,) but is experiencing a lag in saying words he already demonstrates that he understands, order Teach Me To Talk The DVD  to get started.

If you want more guidance or are ready to tackle a more comprehensive therapy plan at home, also order Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual.  Click here to visit our store.

(***If your child regularly ignores people, tunes out your directions to him, and doesn’t respond to his name, then he does not fit into the diagnostic category of a ’late talker.’  In this case, not talking is usually a part a bigger developmental problem. Please see the other descriptions of products above that may help you address the underlying issues for WHY your child isn’t talking yet. Start with the suggestions in the Mixed Receptive-Expressive Language Delay or Suspected Autism category.) 

Suspected Apraxia and Other Speech Intelligibility Issues

Parents should order both Teach Me To Talk The DVD and Teach Me To Talk with Apraxia and Phonological Disorders. Teach Me To Talk The DVD outlines the basic play-based approach and Teach Me To Talk with Apraxia shows more specific strategies to implement after the basics are in place. Both DVDs are sold together at our store and offered for a significantly reduced price vs. buying each DVD separately. Click here to go to the store.  

Very committed parents who want a detailed step-by-step explanation of “how to” and “what to” work on for at-home therapy, should also order Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual and focus on the expressive language chapter. Speech disorders and expressive language disorders often overlap in toddlers.

Toddlers with More Significant Delays

Teach Me To Listen and Obey 1 includes toddlers with more pronounced delays and has a small section on beginning activities to implement AAC.  

Teach Me To Play WITH You is recommended for all parents of toddlers who do not consistently interact with and respond to others.  

Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual  is very helpful for addressing delays over time with a comprehensive set of goals and strategies including a chapter on targeting very early cognitive goals.

This grouping of therapy materials is also offered for a significant discount in our store vs. buying the individual products. Please look for the Helping Toddlers with Significant Delays package during checkout. (Set price is $120)    

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FOR PROFESSIONALS

Order sets to save. Look in the Featured Products (left column) or on our regular store page. Click here to be redirected to the store.  

5 DVD Set -All teachmetotalk.com DVDs including Teach Me To Talk, Teach Me To Listen and Obey 1 & 2 and Teach Me To Talk With Apraxia and Phonological Disorders - $125.

All 3 THERAPY MANUALS - Teach Me To Play WITH You, Teach Me To Talk: The Therapy Manual, and Building Verbal Imitation in Toddlers- $145 (sale price of $130 during May 2012 ONLY)

ENTIRE COLLECTION - All 5 DVDs and All 3 Therapy Manuals - $265

For ordering more than one of each individual product or combinations that you do not see listed here, please see this link to our new store at www.shop.teachmetotalk.com.

If you are still confused about which products are right for you, please email me at Laura@teachmetotalk.com.  
 

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Making it through circle time at preschool or daycare is often a challenge for toddlers with developmental delays.  Here are hints for teachers, therapists, and parents who are looking for ways to make young children more successful during this schedule standard. 

Promote Participation and Attention at Circle Time by:

1.  Using developmentally-appropriate activities.

Too often I go into toddler classrooms to work with a child who is language-delayed and having difficulty participating in the circle time routine, and I cringe at what the teacher is trying to pass off as an activity interesting enough to hold the attention of 10 two-year-olds.  

HINT - HINT - If 8 of the 10 children are not able to participate and pay attention, you’re doing the wrong kind of activity!  

Naming flashcards, reciting the alphabet, days of the week, or months of the year, and saying the Pledge are NOT appropriate for this age group! For 4 & 5-year-olds yes (well, maybe), but 2- and 3-year-olds, forget it!

What activities are developmentally-appropriate for younger children? 

• Sing simple songs with hand motions, or better yet, songs with lots of whole body activities (think Hokey-Pokey, London Bridge, If You’re Happy and You Know It, Itsy Bitsy Spider, The Wheels on the Bus, etc…)  Try to mix 1 or 2 old favorites with one newer song that’s related to your weekly/monthly theme.  Sing the same songs for a week or two to build familiarity, then move on to new ones to match your theme.  
• SHORT Flannel Board Stories or SHORT Stories told with Props  OR 
• VERY SHORT stories from books with lots of pictures related to your theme read with LOTS of enthusiasm.  By short, I mean 2 minutes tops!  By enthusiasm, I mean using your voice and your facial expressions to convey the meanings of the words.  This is sooooo important for children with language delays who may not understand all of the words, but can follow the plot pretty well if you’re giving them other visual and verbal cues to help them.     
• Include only activities that the children obviously enjoy.  If you’re losin’ ‘em, lose the activity!
• Build routines into circle time such as singing the same opening or closing song so that children know what to expect. 

My favorite opening circle time song for toddlers is letting the children take turns hiding under a blanket and singing:

“Where, oh where, oh where is (child’s name)?,

Where, oh where, oh where is (child’s name)? ,  

Where, oh where, oh where is (child’s name)?,

Where can (name) be?” 

Then help the child uncover and everyone says, “Boo.”  This has been a big hit with every class I’ve ever introduced it to from about 15 months all the way through 3 year olds.  It also helps children learn their friends’ names.   

2.  Making the length of circle time match your group’s attention span.

In the beginning of the year, circle time may need to only be 5 minutes long and then expand to no more than 10 minutes for 2 year olds and 15 minutes for 3 year olds.  Why?  Because you may lose the attention of even the best-behaved and brightest young children after this amount of time.  Very complaint children may still remain seated longer than this, but if they’re not actively participating and learning during this time, why bother?

3.  Scheduling circle time AFTER a gross motor activity.

So many preschools schedule circle time for the very first activity of the day.  This is GREAT IF your children have been given the opportunity to run, jump, kick, catch, throw, and play rambunctiously for the first 10 or 15 minutes they have been in the classroom, but often this is not the case. 

If you don’t have the luxury of planning your own schedule or the facilities to do this, then always begin circle time with a 2 minute dance to “get the wiggles out.”  Or you could have the kids ”march” around the room or “hop like bunnies” to pick up and put away toys before beginning circle time.    

Many teachers are afraid to do this thinking that it will hype the kids up.  Actually, it’s the opposite.  After kids spend some time moving around, their little brains and bodies are more ready to attend.

I love it when circle time is after children have been outside or have had gym time.  Not only have kids gotten to move around, they’ve also walked to and from the other location between activities.

4.  Providing better seating arrangements for younger children.

Toddlers need to know where and how to sit for circle time.  Using an arrangement that promotes visual boundaries is the best way to make sure children stay where they should, instead of wandering around the room or invading the space of their friends.      

Many programs use colored shapes taped to the floor as a guide, but often times the shapes are too small to serve as a boundary for where sprawling legs and wiggly feet should stay. I prefer carpet squares or bean bags.  Toddlers with sensory processing disorders will also get a “sensory bump” from using either of these since it provides much more tactile feedback than sitting on floor.       

I know storage is a problem for some facilities, but most every room has an empty corner.  If you have the children retrieve them from a stack in a corner as the beginning activity for circle time and then stack them back in the corner when you’re finished, you’ve also provided a movement activity PLUS established another “routine” for your classroom.  You’ve also extended circle time by at least 5-10 minutes for children with even very limited attention spans since most 2 year olds can be taught to get and return their carpet square or bean bag just by following the examples of other children.                 

I place mimimally verbal children and highly distracted children directly across from the teacher so that they can SEE what’s going on.  I also like to place less verbal children between other more verbal kids so that they hear better language “models” BEFORE it’s their turn to respond if we’re going around the circle to answer a question, and so that they can see a peer seated next to them who is (hopefully) on track.  

5.  Giving kids who can’t participate yet enough support to make them successful, AND a way out. 

If the length of your circle time is too long for him, a child could be allowed to sit for the first song/activity of circle time, then be allowed to go to a quiet or calming spot (definitely better than time out for not participating OR disrupting the activity fo the rest of the group!)  You could gradually extend it so he sits thru the first 2 activities, then he can opt out.  Still make the child return for the clean up part if you are putting carpets away since I know from personal experience that most all children CAN learn to do this part. 

One other way to help a young child learn to sit and attend is to provide “fidget toys” so that they can get some tactile feedback while being expected to continue to sit.  You can provide small squishy toys (think small koosh balls, smushy or stretchy animal toys, or even a Hot Wheels car).  You may want to buy several options and put them in a special box so that once a child is sitting he can choose from the box every day. 

You can gradually extend the time so that the child has to sit for a minute or two BEFORE he gets the toy in circle time, then he can sit and “fidget” through the next little portion of circle time.  When he gets up, the toy has to go back in the box. This works well for kids who are tactile or visual seekers because they want to sit to get the ”treat.”  If you know there’s something he loves, try to find it in a little toy appropriate for holding during this time, and I’d give it only during this time for him. 

Other items that work great for me when I lead this activity are attaching ribbons to the edges of the carpet squares.  I also purchase and wear cheap bracelets that I can give to a kid during circle time if he needs it, or let him “fiddle” with it while he sits in my lap. 

I do think it’s okay to hold a child who needs it through circle time, either while I’m seated on the floor or even between my legs if I’m fortunate enough to get a chair! Some teachers balk at this saying it’s not fair to hold one and not all of them, but rarely will you have more than one or two who need to be held until he can do the routine (unless it’s a special needs classroom).  Use the laps of other staff members too!  If you have a kid who really needs the support, recruit a volunteer to be there specifically for circle time.           

Another thing I have done if I have a child with behavioral issues (rather than truly sensory ones) who won’t sit is to give everyone who is sitting a treat like a Skittle (or even a sucker if I think I need a “bigger” incentive) or let everyone who is sitting have a special turn doing something I know this kid likes to do.  Some teachers ”stamp” kid’s hands or give stickers for this too, but I usually see children who need more of a prize than that!  I am pretty generous with this initially.  I go ahead and give a child like this the prize too to get him “hooked” into doing this even if he initially he just comes over and sits and waits for the prize while the other kids are getting theirs.  Then I might up the ante and remind him that he has to sit through the most of the closing song to get the prize, then all of the closing song, etc…  (Often these are the children who get up after the opener, then they come back for the closer.) 

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You really can use these activities to “shape” behaviors for circle time, but gradually over several days, weeks, or even months, depending on how well you pick your reinforcers, how entrenched the child’s behavior is, OR how his little sensory system is affected.  It will likely not happen in a week unless your issues are pretty mild, but it can happen over time for most children.

Be sure to leave a comment if you have other great circle time ideas to share!  Laura    

I think about new professionals hungry for information to help them with a new client, or I think about grad students who will read anything they can get their hands on!  I even regularly hear from what I’ve come to appreciate as ”seasoned” (NOT OLD!!) professionals who thankfully aren’t so cynical or so tired that they are on auto-pilot and actually still care enough to try to track down new ideas. 

But I have to say, I never think about grandparents reading my stuff.  

That doesn’t mean that I don’t talk to grandparents.  I see a few grandmas pretty regularly during visits with my own little friends on my own caseload.  I also talk to my own mother nearly everyday, who at any given time, is very worried about one grandchild or another in our own family. 

Until recently, I had heard from only a handful of grandmothers on this site, but lately it seem like they’re coming out of the woodwork!  Here are a couple of examples of ones I’ve received -    

“My grandson just moved to our hometown. He is four years old and still struggling with speech. I do have to say that I have searched the Internet far and wide for suggestions to help him. I have to tell
you that your website has been the most helpful to me. My grandson has had an explosion of words, complete setences, and questions in the last two months…… I am so afraid that he is not getting what he needs. I feel like I should do my best to keep language alive. When I pick him up from daycare, we sing songs. He likes for me to read Go, Dogs, Go by Dr. Suess. He has started to even repeat words in the book. We blow bubbles, play horns, and drink from straws. I’m not a speech therapist, but I can’t just sit back and wait while nothing happens. Since, I have tried some of your suggestions, my grandson is “picking up and running with words.”    

One thing you might want to offer after the evaluation is to assist the parents in researching and exploring treatment options. Helping a stressed mom wade thru websites and books for useful information would always be welcomed IF your advice and offers to help are given knowing that a parent has the right to take it or leave it. 

The best result of all of this independent research is that you yourself will become educated in what’s going on with your grandchild. Information makes us all more useful, even if you just become the sounding board for a mom and dad who could use extra reassurances that they are doing all they can, and someone who will firmly, but lovingly, remind them when they are not.    

Another great thing I’ve heard from many grandparents lately is that they taken on some of the “treatment” themselves.  If your grandchild is language delayed, read the articles on this site and learn the techniques from the DVDs to start your own “grandma” therapy sessions. My own mother tries to do this with all of her grandchildren who are toddlers and young preschoolers.  She recognizes how important language skills are for future academic success, and she’s made the most of visits to Mimi’s house.   

If you can help financially with the extra expense of costly therapy, by all means, do so.  Sometimes I notice that my own older clients’ therapy sessions have been funded by grandparents when I read their names on the check.  

Support can come in all kinds of non-financial ways too!  If you can’t help pay, offer to drive your grandchild to sessions, or babysit any other children at home so that mom and dad can fully participate instead of chasing around a young (or older) brother or sister.  

If you aren’t available during the week, go and pick up the other grandchildren on the weekends so that mom and dad have uninterrupted time to do all of the “homework” they need to do with the child who needs focused therapy time at home in order to make progress.  

One wonderful idea the mother of a little girl on my own caseload shared with me today is that instead of buying her grandchild a toy or clothes for her birthday, the grandmother purchased a session of classes at a local baby gymnastics facility for her language-delayed granddaughter.  The grandmother picks up the grandchild for the class one morning every week so that they can spend one-on-one time together, just “GG” and grandbaby.  This is win-win for everyone in this family since this is child #4, and her busy mother needs the break! 

Lastly, I want to encourage you to NOT make this grandchild any less special because of whatever issue this may turn out to be.  I’ve seen so many grandparents (and their own grown children!) struggle with very difficult toddlers during very difficult developmental patches.  Some children do get better and “grow out of it” (with the help of therapy and whatever else their committed parents do!)  Unfortunately, some children do not. Grandparents sometimes have to grieve too when it becomes obvious that a child may not ever be what you’ve dreamed and hoped.   

My hope for you as a grandparent is that you can rise to the occasion and love and support your family and this child come-what-may.  A grandparent’s attention and devotion may be what helps pull this child, and his or her parents, through a very traumatic time for all of you. But as the grandmother above pointed out, your life experiences alone uniquely qualify you to be able to help not only your grandchild who deserves it, but your grandchild’s parents, who most likely desperately need it!  

Laura             

OUCH! Being a pediatric SLP who specializes in early intervention, this hit a little too close to home.

My heart sank as I read her story.  She had just finished the initial evaluation with her state’s early intervention team, and they told her they suspected that her son has autism. 

As she typed the post, there she was right smack in the middle of those first stages of grief, bouncing back and forth between denial, isolation, and anger, all there in black and white for the world to see. 

I felt so badly for her.  Even though I’ve never met her, I know her. I’ve been on the other side of the table from her for years, sitting right across from her, trying to swallow the lump in my throat, gripping my well-worn test manual with white knuckles, and trying my best not to tear up as I deliver the words that would confirm her worst fears.  It’s not easy being a dream killer.  

Since I originally read her blog, I’ve thought about her often.  Sometimes it’s because I’ve told a mom the truth, and I could see all over her face how much my words hurt her.  Sometimes I’ve thought about it when I’ve opted to save a hard conversation for another day.  In recent years there have been a few times when I’ve decided that life-changing news can wait a week or two.  The truth is that sometimes you’re never ready to hear what might need to be said about your child. 

Just this week I ran across that same blog, again while doing research for this site.  At least 6 months have passed since I read her thoughts, and my how things have changed.  This mom has blossomed into a wonderful resource of realistic hope and practical information for other parents.  Her words are not the kind of too-good-to-be-true “cure” that you read about in supermarket magazines or hear from a celebrity on Oprah.  As she shares her story, you read about the hard work of one family doing everything they can to help their young son.                           

When I contacted her to see if she’d mind if I posted a link to her blog here at teachmetotalk.com, I wrote that I’d thought about her original post often since reading it, especially when having those initial difficult conversations with parents.  

She sent me back this comment, “I wish I could give you advice as to how to soften that blow, but I have none. But think of it this way: the “blow” is an essential part of the journey. You can’t skip that step, and the anger and irrationality that comes with it.”

The next time I’m feeling queasy about the news I have to share, I hope I remember that.  

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You can read this mom’s blog “A Little Big Autistic” from our new blogroll. 

Many children with language delays also exhibit difficulties in processing sensory information.  In fact, this difficulty is quite common in all children affecting 1 in 20 according to recent estimates.

The new term for this is sensory processing disorder, and it’s based on work by occupational therapist Dr. Lucy Jane Miller.  I highly recommend her book Sensational Kids as a resource for parents and therapists who are looking for help understanding sensory differences in young children.  You can find other information at her foundation’s website at www.spdfoundation.net. 

Another good resource is an older book by Carol Stock Kranowitz called The Out of Sync Child.  This book discusses and groups sensory issues into categories a little differently than the more recent classification systems, but it’s still an easy read for parents.

The best online resource for sensory processing issues I’ve found is a website called www.sensory-processing-disorder.com.  It’s written by an OT who also parents a child with sensory processing disorder, so she’s lived it and writes about challenges from a parent’s perspective in addition to her professional experience.  I cannot say enough positive things about this website, and I will be recommending this as my first and favorite resource for parents of children on my own caseload.  This is also a great tool for pediatric therapists of any discipline who are looking for ways to help themselves and the parents they work with understand sensory processing differences.  In addition to easy to understand explanations, this site is full of additional resources for parents and professionals alike.  One great article includes a checklist to help determine if your child demonstrates characteristics of sensory processing disorder.   

I’m aslo currently talking about sensory processing issues on my show “Teach Me To Talk with Laura and Kate.”  Listen to shows #10, 11, 12 and this week’s show, #13, for more information.  In shows #10 and #11, the focus is on explaining and identifying different kinds of sensory processing issues.  In show #12 (unfortunately, not titled as #12, but it falls between #11 and #13 which will be labeled), we discuss how sensory issues affect a child’s social and emotional development.  In show #13 we’ll discuss how a child’s play skills can be affected by sensory processing disorder. In all the shows Kate and I talk about children we’ve treated who have these kinds of problems.  You may recognize your own child in these examples, and hopefully, learn some new ideas.  

Being more aware of and empathetic to your child’s sensory differences can give you another avenue for understanding his or her developmental challenges, and ultimately, help you to become a better parent for your own child who is struggling to learn language.                     

Many parents ask my opinion about which disciplinary techniques are best to use for a child with language delays.  First of all, let me say that I am NOT a psychologist, so this is not my area of clinical expertise. 

However, I am a mother and have been for 18 1/2 years to 3 very different children with 3 very different temperaments.  I have been a pediatric speech-language pathologist for so many years that I’ve treated well over a thousand children.  I’ve volunteered in some capacity in my churches’ preschool departments for the last 10 years or so, and that’s exposed me to the full range of “normal” or “typical” behavior for one and two-year-olds.  Although I don’t have the professional credentials, I think this qualifies me with ”trial by fire” experience on the basis of sheer exposure! 

I have also done more than my share of reading on this topic, not only in an effort to improve my own parenting skills, but also to be able to give parents advice initially while we’re waiting on the real expert to show up. 

The biggest mistake that I see is parents who try to take disciplinary techniques designed for a typically developing child and use them with NO modifications with a child who is struggling developmentally.  Where I live this includes disciplinary programs taught by churches in parenting classes or even other more practical solutions from books such as 1-2-3 Magic.  Some of these techniques are too rigid, and are therefore inappropriate, for children with developmental delays.  

(Let me add for those of you who may be offended by my remarks that I am also a Christian and feel that I am in no way slandering my faith by pointing out this trend.  Although I am not going to name the particular childhood disciplinary program to which I’m referring, at first glance the authors seem well-intentioned are committed.  After reviewing the materials, I can say that they likely have had very little experience with children who are not developing typically.  Even if they did, they may not recognize it because their approach seems to be a one-size-fits-all.  I am strictly opposed to the use of this program with children with any kind of developmental delay, especially problems with language comprehension and/or cognitive delays.)     

My basic advice for discipline for parents of language delayed children is this- you are going to have to modify your disciplinary approaches and expectations for your child.  Language affects all areas of development, and is closely tied to a child’s cognitive skills, or ability to learn.  If your child is having difficulty learning language, especially if this includes his ability to understand language, you are going to have to do things differently.  You are going to have to tweak your approaches, no matter what techniques you use.        

For example, let’s look at the ever popular “time out.”   

Time out is often recommended because it removes the child from the situation and gives everyone (including angry parents!) time to calm down and move on.  It is often tauted as the “standard” for toddler discipline because it’s non-violent (as opposed to a spanking) and everyone has heard of it, or its sister popularized by Super Nanny, “The Naughty Spot/Stair/Mat.”    

Here are guidelines that I have compiled for making the technique work for language delayed toddlers and preschoolers. 

 1.  Know your child’s developmental level. 

If your child is functioning at a lower age level cognitively or has a delay in his receptive language skills (how he understands language) so that his language level is well below his chronological age, you must use disciplinary techniques for THAT age level, not his true/chronological age.  To expect a toddler to “act his age” cracks me up in the first place, and to expect a developmentally delayed child to function behaviorally at his chronological age, rather than his developmental age, is unfair and unrealistic.           

2.  Understand what time-out is — and isn’t.

Experts recommend that you view time-out as an opportunity to teach your child how to cope with common frustrations and modify his behavior, rather than as a punishment.   This means that time out is really a teachable moment, and again, not a punishment.

Professionals explain that when a child is in time-out, he’s supposed to be on his own.  It’s designed to be a neutral zone without positive or negative attention from you.  You shouldn’t continue to be there to give him positive reinforcement, such as words of consolation or hugs.  You also shouldn’t give negative reinforcement either.  This means no yelling or angry remarks about his behavior.  He’s supposed to just sit in solitude for a few moments to allow himself time to calm down, especially if he’s gotten all worked up. 

It should also give you an opportunity to calm down yourself.  This “time out” is for both of you and is what helps avoid the power struggle that so many parents (and therapists) lapse into when behavior issues arise.

What’s experts like about time-out is that it serves to redirect an escalating situation in an unemotional way.  If you are yelling and screaming and breaking out in a sweat to make your child comply, you’re doing it wrong.  Read on.  

3.  Don’t start too early.

Wait until your child is at least 2-years-old DEVELOPMENTALLY (that’s the 24 month level on language and cognitive tests) to introduce time-outs. Before that level, he won’t understand what’s happening.  He might know you’re mad, but he won’t understand why since he can’t yet connect his actions with your reactions.

If you hold off until your child begins to understand and remember basic directions and routines, your child won’t get as frustrated.  Neither will you.  

4.  Modify time out as necessary for your child. 

Any toddler can find it hard to sit still in one place, much less one with developmental challenges.  One author described time out with a two-year old this way.  “Trying to make your child stay in a certain place for a prescribed length of time is likely to disintegrate into a chase scene: Your child runs away, delighted with this new game; you catch him, then struggle to make him stay in one place. You threaten, he laughs. You grab, he bolts.”   Sound familiar? 

A better way might be to use when parenting experts call “positive time out.”  This is recommended for toddlers 18 months and up.  When your child is getting on the verge of losing control, try to suggest an alternate activity that you can do together.  This serves to distract him from what’s about to get him in trouble.   

Everyone knows the minute per year of age rule for time-out, but experts originally intended this to be started after a child turns 3.  Before then, time out needs to be even shorter, say 30 seconds to one minute.  Longer than that and he may forget why he’s there in the first place.

Don’t be too picky about the certain place or chair either.  Interrupting the moment to drag him to the chair sometimes escalates the whole situation, and a power struggle erupts.  This defeats the whole purpose of time out, which is for everyone to calm down.  Simply sitting down right where he is, placing him up on the couch, or putting his head down on the ground may be a better idea.      

 5.  Make sure you’re picking your battles wisely.

If your child is tired, hungry, or sick, you should meet those needs before trying to discipline or even redirect him.  Children with developmental delays are often more at risk to “fall apart” when their physical systems are compromised by even a little illness, fatigue, or hunger.      

One more thing to remember - It’s age-appropriate for toddlers to explore your home.  It’s essential that YOU learn the difference between his natural drive to explore and ”willful disobedience.”  Some parents get really bent out of shape when their child is “misbehaving” by trying to pull the cords on the blinds, reach the phone, or use the remote for the TV.         

When a child is a toddler, the very best strategy for keeping him out of trouble may be arranging your home to reduce the chance for him to get into trouble.  If you are repeatedly telling your child “No” about something, start to think, is there a way to eliminate this threat?  If there is, throw in the towel and move on!  Your priorities can be shifted to something else when you’re not constantly policing your living area. 

However, and this is a big HOWEVER, this does not mean to gate your toddler into a tiny child-proofed area and never let them be able to explore.  I am all for baby gates on stairs, but some places I visit look more like a kennel than a home!  Toddlers need to be able to move around in their environments, even if it’s inconvenient for you to rearrange your stuff.  Let’s face it, once you have kids, you should forget about the call from Southern Living or House Beautiful to arrange the photo shoot.   Things may not look “pretty” again until you’re taking pictures before the prom. 

I have some children on my caseload who are 2 and have never been allowed to play in the kitchen.  I don’t remember making a meal or doing a dish when my toddlers weren’t right there with me emptying their special cabinet, sorting and stacking bowls, or pretending to cook with their own little dishes on their own little stoves.  Make your home child-friendly, not child-proof!           

As mentioned previously, distraction also works well to redirect him to something he can do vs. what he wants to do that’s off limits.  When you see him headed for something that’s you’d prefer he not do, instead of yelling from across the room, suggest he do something else.  An enthusiastic, “Look!” can often redirect a toddler who has learned to ignore “no.”      

6.  Know when he’s ready for a more traditional time out.  

When your child can follow several simple directions consistently and has a slightly longer attention span of several minutes, he’s ready for a more traditional time-out. If your child is not stopping when you yell, “No,” or understanding other restrictive words like “Stop” and “Wait,” he’s still not ready for this.  Keep rearranging your environment and using distraction as your main line of defense until he does understand.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t even tell him “no,” it just means that you need to be prepared to get up and help him move on, rather than depending on him to do it himself.  Keep teaching “No No” by saying it when it’s truly necessary and using a big head shake and disapproving  facial expression to supplement your words.  Children with language delays often rely on reading your non-verbal cues such as your gestures and your facial expressions.  Make them all match, so he isn’t even more confused.

One other successful thing I do in sessions when a child is about to lose control is to drop my voice to almost a whisper, hold a child’s hands gently, and pull him in very close to my face to get his attention.  This is usually such a stark contrast from how he’s been handled in the past that it’s an attention -getter.  It usually helps by providing a big distraction (Me!),  and serves to DE-escalate the moment by bringing the activity level down to a quieter, calmer place.  

As he approaches the developmental age of 3, a child will likely be better able to comprehend that his actions can cause a negative consequence. Then you’re ready for a more traditional time out.

However, parenting experts recommend that you not begin time out in the midst of a battle.  Explain it first.  Use a simple explanation such as, “When you don’t listen or do something wrong, Mommy will say, ’Time-out.’ This means you will sit in this chair for a little while until you can calm down.” Some parents find it useful to act this out ahead of time by using a baby doll or stuffed animal to demonstrate taking a time-out, but don’t make it too playful, or it will turn into a game. 

7.  As one parenting expert recommended, don’t expect miracles.

Parenting a toddler is tough, especially one that is struggling developmentally.  ALL toddlers are strong willed and test limits;  it’s why they call it the “terrible two’s.”

Patience is the only quality that’s sure to get you through this phase.  Consistency in your responses is the only thing that will get him through this phase while he learns under your watch and care.  Testing limits is normal in toddlerhood.  It’s desirable so that you can see he’s progressing cognitively.  It’s his way of learning how the world works.  Your child may repeatedly throw your cell phone, drop food off his high chair, or pull the cat’s tail to see if the same thing happens today as yesterday and the day before.  He may ”disobey” in exactly the same way he did yesterday just to make sure it’s still “not okay.” Consistency in your responses is essential. 

No single disciplinary approach — including time-out — will transform your 1, 2, or 3-year-old into an obedient robot.  Would you want that anyway?  We all want our children to be able to behave, but also to learn, to explore, to begin to think for themselves, and to try new things.    Sometimes this may get them into trouble, but that’s okay too.  It’s part of learning, growing, and developing.     

Learn what behaviors are appropriate for your child’s developmental age so that you can keep your expectations realistic.  Keep in mind that if your child is having delays in learning, you will not be able to use the same behavioral guidelines as you have for your other children, or your friend’s child who is not having difficulties, or even what you read in parenting books.  “Special needs” also applies when it comes to discipline.   

IF YOU’D LIKE TO FIND OUT MORE INFORMATION ON RECOMMENDED DISCIPLINARY TECHNIQUES FOR CHILDREN WITH DEVELOPMENTAL DELAYS, CHECK OUT MY DVDS “TEACH ME TO LISTEN AND OBEY.”

HERE’S THE LINK -

http://teachmetotalk.com/2009/01/04/best-dvd-for-receptive-language-therapy-at-home/

GET YOUR CHILD TO BED!

Lisa Powell, PhD  

Licensed Psychologist

Is your preschooler frequently whining, hyperactive, irritable, angry, aggressive, crying, oppositional, distracted, defiant, or impulsive?  If any of these characteristics are common in your child, it may be time to consider if the amount of sleep your child is getting is impacting his/her emotional and behavioral functioning.

The importance of sleep for children cannot be underestimated!!  The quality and quantity of children’s sleep impacts their brain development as well as their emotional and behavioral functioning.  In order to regulate children’s emotional and behavioral functioning - the first place to start is with regulating their eating and sleeping habits. 

(Since eating is a whole other article, we are going to focus here on sleep!)

Establish Structure and Routine

(Throughout the day AND at bedtime/naptime)

Why is it important?

*   The sameness provides a sense of safety and security for the child.

*   The sameness allows them to know what to expect and what is expected of them.

*   The sameness reduces the need to discuss, negotiate, beg, whine and battle - they won’t even try once they know the rules!

*   Structure and routine establishes parents as having authority in family and increases compliance with “rules” of the family - you are teaching them to follow rules!

*   It is much easier to work on compliance with rules now at 2, 3, and 4, then at 10, 11, and 12.

Schedule eating and sleeping times consistently

*     This is important in many respects….

*     It regulates their bodies and “sets their clocks” for when to eat and sleep

*     Hunger and fatigue are major contributors to unwanted behavior

*     Sleep and Wake times should be the same every day to regulate their sleep cycles

Thoughts about Sleep:

*     The amount of sleep each child needs varies for children just like adults, but an average would be 11 - 14 hours for the preschool age group.   This would include the number of hours a child sleeps during nighttime and naptime.

*     Think about how many hours of sleep your child gets and also look for signs in your child that maybe they are not getting enough sleep such as: you have to wake them up in the morning, they fall asleep in the car or at odd times, or any of the characteristics discussed at the beginning of this article.

*     Also, think about what time your child goes to bed at night - new research supports the importance of sleep in the earlier hours of the evening during which major brain development occurs.

Implementing a Bedtime Routine:

*     Create a “bedtime routine” (about 30 minutes) this should include the same steps everyday in the same order.

*     For example, AT THE SAME TIME EACH NIGHT begin.

 1) Take a bath 2) brush teeth 3) put on pajamas 4) read books 5) go to bed

*     When the routine is the same everyday the steps are cues to prepare them

*     REMINDERS about the bedtime routine:

* No T.V. (T.V. does not “relax” children as many parents think - it stimulates their brain)

*Do not let them decide when they are tired, when they are ready for bed - have a set bedtime and stick to it!

* Do not let them decide where to sleep (for example, sometimes the couch, sometimes your bed, sometimes their bed)

* Watch your child’s intake of sugar and caffeine (in general, but especially near bedtime)

* No roughhousing before bed

* Rocking, feeding and/or lying down with your child is NOT recommended otherwise these things/or YOU will become required for them to go to sleep

* Instead, encourage your child to use a “transitional object” (for example, a stuffed animal or a blanket), which will help comfort them and relax them

* Make sure your daily schedule includes plenty of physical exercise during the day

* Turn the lights down low; close the curtains (in the morning open the curtains and make sure your child gets plenty of exposure to natural sunlight)

* Create a calm, quiet and positive atmosphere to implement your bedtime routine

* End your child’s day with positive parent-child interactions and physical affection

Common Sleep Problems:

1)   ” I have to lie down with my child in order to get him/her to go to sleep!”

                                                      And/or

2)  “My child wanders into our bedroom every night and gets in bed with us.”

Most parents who have one of these problems have the other one as well.  Why? Because if you lie down with your child you have become his/her ‘sleep aid”.  He/she is dependent on you to go to sleep and to remain asleep.  So, if you are there when they go to sleep, you will need to be there when they wake up in the middle of the night (which all children do many times).  Children who are able to soothe themselves to sleep initially, will be able to do so when they wake up during the night as well. 

Managing going to sleep and nighttime awakenings:

1) First, make sure your are ready to follow through with changing their sleep behaviors - do not do anything yet if you think you will not be consistent or will not follow through.

2) Follow the above recommendations about sleep and implementing a bedtime routine.

3) Do not talk or give any attention to your child if they come out of their room at bedtime or into your room in the middle of the night.

4)   Simply return them to their bedroom and put them back into bed (no talking, yelling, kissing, hugging, feeding, or hanging around)

5)  You may need to do this over and over, but they will eventually stop when they realize they are not going to get what they want (to stay in your room or for you to give them attention).  Unless of course just that 1 time you give in! Then it will start all over and last even longer the next time you try to change their sleep behaviors.

SO……….. GOOD LUCK AND GET SOME SLEEP!