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Help Busy Toddlers Stay and Play!
It’s a common problem…
we’re trying our best to teach a toddler something new and all he can think about is how to get away! We need a way to help busy toddlers learn to stay and play!
Too often we try things that don’t work like…
Behavioral Redirections… as in “No no. Sit down.”
Pleas… as in “Please listen to me. Please come back.”
Coercion… as in holding the child down as you say through clenched teeth, “You need to sit still.”
Threats… as in “If you don’t do what I say, you can’t go outside later.”
We’ve all done it… and unfortunately, it usually doesn’t result in a happy child who is ready to learn.
So… what’s a frazzled parent or therapist to do?
The BEST way to help a busy toddler learn to stay and play with you is by giving him a reason to include you, rather than running off to do something else. You have to make yourself and what you’re doing as interesting as possible.
I’ve written A LOT about this here at teachmetotalk.com, but if you’re looking for a quick fix, the best tip is using a social game to draw a child in, teach him a fun way to participate, and finally, help him learn how to enjoy being with you.
The good news is…
It Can Be Easier Than You Think
And certainly more successful than the things you’ve tried that haven’t worked!
An example of the kind of game I use in therapy and teach parents to play at home is a cute play routine I call UP DOWN.
How to Play:
Sit down on the floor with your legs stretched out in front of you, and seat your child on your knees facing you. Hold your child’s hands. Lift your child up on your knees saying,
Up….. Up…. Up…..
(Slowly lift up your knees on each word and build anticipation with your voice.)
Down!
(Quickly lower your legs flat touching the floor.)
Experiment to see how fast or slow your child likes for you to raise and lower your legs. Most children like the slower pace going up and prefer a fast-paced, crash-landing on the floor as a big surprise for “down.”
Isn’t that an EASY, cute game? I love it!
But here’s how we make it even better. We look at teaching a child how to begin to respond and then gradually up the ante from sitting through the game, staying with you for longer periods of time, beginning to participate, and then finally, learning to initiate the game with you. Here’s how…
Child’s Goals
Watch for her response to this game. We want her to connect with you and enjoy your time playing. You can see this by a smile, increased eye contact, and hopefully, even a “twinkle” in her eyes.
If he doesn’t respond positively, be more fun! Increase your own level of animation. Try a big hug after “down” to get him laughing and smiling.
Vary your speed or the number of times you say, “Up – up” to find what your child likes best. For a child who won’t stay in one place for very long, quickly move to “down.”
Another goal for this game would be for him to reach for your hands as you hold both palms out and up, as if to invite him to play. Wiggle your fingers toward him as an invitation for him to grab your hands.
After you’ve played this one for a while, help your child initiate this game with you by putting him on your lap and then asking him if he wants to play by saying, “Up? Up?” but don’t hold his hands to begin. Leave your hands in your lap, or even put them behind your back, to see if your child will initiate grabbing your hands to begin.
Toddlers learn through repetition. Children with difficulty paying attention need even more repetition. Play this game over and over throughout the day with several repetitions each time so that he “learns” the game.
As with all our play routines, eventually your child should play this game several times in a row before moving on to another game or toy with you during your 1:1 play time.
Now we can make the game even better by expanding it to new people and new contexts.
Expand the Game:
1. Play with a new person. Have the person watch you several times to learn how to play the game exactly like you do.
2. After your child likes this game, expand how and where you play. You could play this game by picking your child up from the floor, bed, or chair. Lift him high into the air for “up,” and then crash him down on his feet or bottom for “down.
3. If your child seems scared when you lift her up, which is called gravitational insecurity, try the next game, “Humpty Dumpty.”
Find other games and instructions like this in my therapy manual Teach Me To Play WITH You from teachmetotalk.com. These ideas are the BEST way I know to teach toddlers to stay with you, play together, and enjoy being with you! Once you get them to that point, then they’re ready to learn other things from you… including HOW TO TALK! Start here. Today.
For therapists, get a downloadable pdf of this game to share with parents and other caregivers who are working to help busy toddlers learn to stay and play!
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Happy Therapists, Teachers, Parents & Children
"Laura, I am a long time follower. You have mentored me from a distance for many years. I've watched many of your courses and purchased 5-6 of your books. I just wanted to take a moment as a sister in Christ to say- --- Thank you!! I'm in my 33rd year as an SLP and still love it! I work in the public schools and have grown my skills along the way with your help. Thank you thank you thank you and, Many blessings to you and your daughter!!!"
Camille, SLP
"Laura,
Three years ago, my then 2year old (adopted) was only saying two words - momma and boat. We had been doing speech therapy for 6 months, and he loved to play, but he was entirely uninterested in talking. A dear friend who is a SLP recommended I look you up online. Since then, I've read your emails, listened to hours of your podcasts, ordered two of your therapy manuals, and watched many of your videos.
My now 5year old tells elaborate stories now, and if you didn't know his background, you would never guess. And thanks to the hours that I have spent with your guidance, when our next son, now a 2.5yr old, didn't talk (after a craniotomy), I had tools to get started with him. His speech has just taken off in the last month or so.
Thank you so much for all that you do to help parents facilitate speech therapy with their kiddos. And thank you for your gentle, confident living of your faith.
God's blessings."
Rachel (mom to 3 boys in a now very noisy house!)
"Hi Laura!
I became an SLP in 2004 and you were my first SLP crush! I was so fortunate to have a supportive school district that allowed me to purchase your videos and the Teach Me to Talk handbook. Not only was the handbook a life saver (I literally called it my Bible lol), but the videos, oh how the videos changed my life, and the lives of the families I worked with! I remember telling my families that they'd love you, not only because you spoke directly to families, jargon free, but also because of your southern dialect. You speak directly and clearly, but never rushed and never over anyone's head, something I highly value. I told families that I could listen to you read the phone book and it would capture my attention. You see, I'm from Ohio where we don't get a whole lot of diversity and cool dialects, so listening to you talk about my favorite topics was a breath of fresh air. So many of us think talking over people's heads makes us more credible or whatever, but now that I've been around over 20 years, I can say you had it right all along. Southern speech included 😊"
Heather Welling, M.A., CCC-SLP, Early Intervention in Summit County, OH
"I found the modality checklists to be invaluable. I had something in hand that I can use right off the printer."
Elizabeth, SLP
"LOVED this program! It was jam-packed with a ton of information that will take time to incorporate into therapy sessions. (Not only is the child learning new skills, so am I as a therapist!) I've known about strength-based therapy and have done it, but not to the extent and to the organization offered in this training. I am looking forward to seeing how my therapy changes and how my little ones progress by using this program."
Leah, SLP
"This program was extremely beneficial for use in my practice. All of the information, handouts and techniques that were presented were amazing. Easy to follow along. I liked that it was broken up into different videos/sections."
Michele, SLP
"Thank you for including real-life stories and anecdotes from your own practice. Very helpful."
Ellen, SLP
"I loved the clear strengths guidance, and the reminder not to push too hard in therapy!"
Elizabeth, SLP
"The course was very helpful and practical. I will certainly apply this approach to children on my caseload. I kept thinking about children that already "graduated" from EI and wish I had this knowledge when I still had them on my caseload. (Although I did put a lot of other Teach Me to Talk information into practice!)"
Heidi, SLP
"I appreciated learning the 7 C's of Communication, which seemed to include, (restated/reorganized/ summarized) information from '11 Skills Toddlers Master Before Words Emerge', which I have successfully used for years now (Thank you so much!!!!). I appreciated the additional information included to better assist toddlers with ASD since that population, unfortunately, continues to rise. I also appreciated the focus on regulating children and the need to keep them regulated, since dysregulation and sensory impairment in toddlers is also rising. These are areas I did not study in grad school. I appreciate the worksheets we can provide for parents to identify strengths and how to use these strengths more effectively in treatment. Thank you again, for your essential contribution to our field. p.s. You and Macy are precious!! God bless you both!"
"I am one of those therapists who you pointed out works on the wrong things. ARH!! What a slap in the face, but in a good way, because it was a much needed wake up call. I've hated my job lately and now I know why. Thank you for the clarity."
Susan, SLP
"Dear Ms. Laura and sweet Macy, I just purchased the new course and wanted to say THANK YOU! I would have definitely expected such cutting-edge information to come from you! I am part of several message boards for parents of autistic children, and we parents are just so tired of being told by professionals what our children can't or will never do. And really, what is the point of doing that? How does that help at all? Except to make the parent miserable and feel like there is no point in trying to help their child?...The tone of the course is great (such positivity), and Macy is such a delight! She is such a wonderful addition to Teach me to Talk."
Ann, SLP
“I loved the handouts to share with parents to help them understand how utilizing their child's strengths and interests is the best way to facilitate their child's communication abilities.”
Colleen, SLP
“The most beneficial part of the program is the strengths survey, as well as the treatment toys and activities that correspond to each strength. There was no part of the program that I did not feel was beneficial.”
Natalie, SLP
"I LOVED the energy of this course! I also appreciated the research facts I learned I can spit out to other professionals and parents. The best part was how characteristics of ASD were divided into strengths and therapy activities... so if I have a visually inspecting kid, I know I can go into my pdf and find out what activities I should target based on that characteristic... this really did improve how I think about therapy."
Kelsey, SLP
"I feel so much more at ease now having a huuuuuge packet of therapy ideas and a framework for organizing my therapy and having an actual PLAN instead of just "following the child's lead" while trying to figure out how to work in the goals. The way the content was explained was easy to follow and the handouts are excellent."
A, SLP
“I found identifying a child's strength helped me to consolidate my previous knowledge and experience. I feel I have a clear method to identify a child's strength and to build their strengths into sessions plans to help achieve their set goals.”
Christine, SLP
"Wow, this course was by far my favorite course I have taken in a long time! I have been lately feeling "stuck" with a few of my autistic toddler clients, and this course provided clear and helpful tools and strategies to best support our clients while also being affirming. I loved all of the ideas that were provided as well as the Strengths Survey – I can't wait to implement all of these wonderful things!"
Isabel, SLP
“The most beneficial part of the course was the handouts to share with parents and ALL the therapy ideas!! I've always felt that we focus on the 10% a kiddo can't do instead of the 90% Can Do. I have always tried to do this in my therapy sessions. Now I have evidenced material for support!!!!!”
Suzanne, SLP
“Liked systematic handouts to use to help with assessment and diagnostic therapy. Enjoyed hearing examples of each strength domain. Great review and great handouts to be able to share with families. The course was well organized and the content is much needed as an EI therapist.”
Terri, SLP
“This was a fresh new philosophy and a comprehensive approach with a new concept for successfully working with children with Autism. Before this ,the very structured, compliance teaching model which has been utilized by many therapists using comply-reward, noncompliance -punish or a with-hold philosophy. Children with Autism became prompt-.dependent with this method. These Children couldn't initiate language or make a plan to move on their own. They had to wait to be prompted to act or to respond and never spoke spontaneously on their own. I and many of my SLP colleagues have always believed in play therapy and giving the child choices to play works best. It is very important that Parents should hear about this strategy! Thank you Laura and Macy for doing the evidence-based research and putting this new concept into words!!”
Teresa, SLP
“This was a wonderful, easy to understand course with lots of great materials. Exactly what the fabulous Laura Mize is known for!”
F, SLP
"I am an autism mom, and I bought your books and listened to several podcast episodes over the last few years. I believe your teach me to talk and autism workbook were one of the number one tools in giving me to guidance to help my son. Thank you!"
Brittni
"I just want to thank you for the invaluable information you’ve given me in helping my grandson to talk (which I have passed on to his parents). We’ve ve learned patience, appropriate expectations, and fun and effective strategies that we had found no where else. He is exploding with conversation! Sometimes I struggle to interpret his articulation, but all I have to do is say, “Show me”, and he’s excited to do so. He and I both want so badly to communicate with each other, and your strategies have made it so much easier and non-threatening. Once again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."
Stacey
"My little guy is taking off like a rocket!! We’ve been working through your Autism Workbook for a few months and he has had an explosion of skills develop. YOU are AMAZING! THANK YOU!" Laura Q, Mom
"Dear Laura Mize and Team,
Thank you so much for all your hard work and publishing books! Our 17-month-old toddler suddenly exploded into speaking and imitating everybody's gestures and sounds, just a week or two after we 'completed' all activities that are listed under 11 pre-linguistic skills! Your method really works!"
Grateful customer.
"Hi Laura!
I absolutely LOVE all of your workbooks, especially your Autism Workbook. Starting with Social Games has been a game changer for many of my littles with ASD and their families. It's been the best way for them to finally connect and sustain shared attention and engagement, leading to longer social interactions, through play!"
Jodie, Dev, Therapist
"Hi Ms. Laura,
Thank you so much for the videos you have posted on your youtube channel. They are so direct, informative, and helpful. Thank you for being a resource for me to become a better therapist."
Dianne
