Supporting the Needs of Moms for Mother’s Day
As a pediatric speech-language pathologist, I’ve seen moms of babies and toddlers with developmental delays and disorders at their absolute best and unfortunately, at their worst.
The longer I do this job, the more I’ve come to appreciate just how hard it is for moms to rise to the occasion and deliver her best day after day, week after week for a child who may never make enough progress so that she can attend an IFSP or IEP meeting and not want to cry, or die, or both.
Parenting a child with developmental delays takes some guts. And commitment. And strength that mothers of children who are typically developing may never, ever know.
To all of those moms of toddlers with developmental challenges, I want to give you a big round of applause and tell you just how awesome I think you are this Mother’s Day. No one knows how hard it really is to live a day of your life unless they too have done it.
I’ve also come to the point, both personally and professionally, that I can look at the worst moments I’ve seen with families as another opportunity to learn how I can best help a child.
Even moms who are obviously struggling have done something right. Unless therapy services are provided by court order, that mom somehow found a way to get her child help. For that decision alone, she deserves a huge dose of respect. Our colleagues who work in public schools will tell us that there are kids who show up on the first day of kindergarten with significant language delays who have never been referred for an eval or seen for one minute of therapy.
I used to purposefully remind myself of that any time I’ve been tempted to make even the slightest judgments about a mom’s choices. Now it’s second nature for me to remember: no matter what else has gone wrong in her world, if she’s out there looking for help for her kid, she’s doing something right!
Beyond initial respect, what else can we do to support moms of toddlers with special needs?
Here’s a list I’ve come up with for professionals who work in early intervention. Our job is different from therapists who work with older children and adults. We’re the first very representation of our field, and we need to do things right from the start to help moms feel supported on what can be a very long road with a toddler with delays.
1. Answer her questions honestly.
A child may have been to many specialists before seeing you. For a multitude of reasons, pediatricians, geneticists, orthopedic docs and even neurologists who see a child with an involved history and multiple medical problems can neglect to tell parents that a child will not learn to talk on time. Don’t assume that a family knows what’s expected, even when there’s already a firm diagnosis in place.
You may be the very first professional a family sees beyond the pediatrician. It’s very likely you’ll be the only person who’s definitively confirming that things aren’t going well developmentally. Even when a mom has had a suspicion that her child is a late talker, you may be the first person to deliver the ‘official’ news.
No matter how many other people parents have seen or will see in the future, tell the truth. Give your honest opinion about what’s going on with a child with compassion and with the utmost sensitivity, always keeping in mind that you’re talking about someone’s baby.
This situation can be unsettling for some therapists, particularly when a child has significant delays.
Delivering this news will sometimes mean confirming the worst case scenario for a mom who’s already sick with worry. In grad school they didn’t tell you that part of your job title on some days is “Dream Killer.”
Being honest can make you very uncomfortable, but withholding information to spare your own uneasiness isn’t right.
Therapists in early intervention programs can sometimes feel that they are not in a position to offer an official diagnosis, yet they hold off on referring a child to another professional who could. Sometimes therapists themselves want to “wait and see.” That too, in my opinion, isn’t right. If a parent has questions you can’t answer, refer them to someone who can. It is our responsibility to help parents find answers to their questions, even when it’s painful for everyone involved.
There’s a bright side to being honest too…
Fortunately for those of us who are pediatric therapists, being honest also means that you get to share some pretty fantastic news:
Early intervention gives a child his very best shot at achieving his highest potential.
Early intervention works!
Neuroplasticity is a wonderful concept. By putting the right strategies in place with very young children, we can literally change their brains.
How cool is that?
Does that mean that all children we see for therapy will eventually function within normal limits? Certainly not, but we can usually tell parents with a high degree of confidence that getting services early will make a difference as opposed to no treatment at all.
2. Listen to a mom’s responses carefully.
As therapists we can ask the right questions, but we may miss very, very important information because we’re not really hearing a parent’s answers.
A mom’s responses can let you know that she doesn’t really understand the nature of her child’s issues. Don’t miss that opportunity to clarify and educate (and re-educate…). For most of us, it took a master’s degree to learn all that we know about child development. Years of experience have taught us what those classes didn’t. Moms don’t have this same knowledge base, so we need to share what we know as we ask and answer questions about her child.
A mom’s responses can also tell you that she doesn’t understand what you do and how your services can benefit her and her child. Take the time to explain exactly what her child is doing that differs from what you hope to see. Discuss your treatment plan and strategies every single session so that she sees what you see and knows what you want to accomplish during therapy.
If that differs from what mom sees and wants, you need to know! In this case, you’ll want to adjust your plan, her expectations, or both!
A mom’s responses can also tell you when she’s overwhelmed. If mom is telling you that a strategy doesn’t work, she didn’t have time to work with her child, or things are no better, listen to her! Figure out a way to make it easier for her to follow-through. Rarely does a mom who invests her time and energy into getting her child help not want to do her part too.
Occasionally a mom’s responses will tell you that she’s waiting on you to wave your “Magic Speech Therapy Wand” to “fix” what’s wrong, but even that illusion can be overturned with a gentle conversation. Thankfully, once a therapist becomes skilled at explaining therapy and gets a parent to buy into the treatment plan, that kind of unrealistic expectation becomes the exception rather than the rule.
3. For some moms “less is more.”
By this I don’t mean fewer visits or providers as some state early intervention programs have mandated.
I’m talking about the strategies and ideas we recommend for families during a visit.
In our zeal to help, we can overwhelm moms with too many recommendations and add to the sense that things are beyond their control.
As a therapist do you ever find yourself providing one great suggestion after another and are met with a deer in the headlights look? Do moms seem to shake their heads in agreement, but not follow through? Does a mom appear to be tuning you out when you speak to her?
When that’s the case, she’s telling you that she needs less, not more.
I’d rather a mom concentrate on a few, SIMPLE things that she can and will do with her child rather than giving her a whole list of things that will never get done.
Some moms can handle only one new idea at a time. I’ve finally learned this lesson and gauge my recommendations on what I’m seeing and hearing from a mom from visit to visit.
Less can be more for many moms and THAT’S OKAY.
4. Don’t just tell a mom how to help her child; show her!
In this age of the consultative model and the “No Toy Bag” rule in state early intervention programs, we’re forgetting a very important aspect of our jobs.
The mom you’re seeing doesn’t know how to do therapy with her kid!
She doesn’t have a degree in speech-language pathology, occupational therapy, or early childhood education. She doesn’t know what to do. Would you be there if she did???
A mom needs you to teach her how to work with her child.
Many of us don’t learn best from lecture or discussion alone. In fact, for some adults who are visual or hands-on learners, you’d might as well be the Charlie Brown teacher when you talk to them. All those parents hear you say is, “Wah wah wah wah.”
Parents need to SEE you do what you’re recommending. Then they probably need to think about it and watch some more. Finally, they’ll be ready to do it themselves with feedback to tweak what’s not going well.
Hands-off approaches are NOT what we’re trained to do as SLPs, OTs, and PTs in our educational programs. As a therapist, you’ll need to learn to defend why your direct intervention IS necessary to determine the best approaches for helping a child and his family. How do you know what works with a particular child unless you SEE it yourself?
Demonstrating and modeling treatment strategies with a child as the parent observes IS parent education. Don’t let anyone tell you that this is no longer needed and ineffective.
To prove my point, let me ask you this question: how did you learn to do therapy? Did you simply listen to a lecture and then proceed to the clinic to work with children, or were there observation hours involved first? Did you dive right in with clients after a few words of advice, or did your clinical supervisors watch you like a hawk and critique you until you got it right?
Exactly!
We listened to lectures, read, watched someone else do it first, and THEN we moved on to doing therapy ourselves.
That’s how every other adult learns to do therapy too.
The next time you’re in doubt, ask a child’s mother if she’d rather you tell her what to do or have you show her how to do it. I’ve never, ever met a mom who turns down the demonstration. You will never go wrong showing a parent exactly what to do with her child.
(If necessary for your program or agency, document that mom requested a visual model of the technique.)
5. Let a mom know that you’re there just as much for her as you are for her child.
This statement takes care of moms who don’t want to participate. By telling her that you’re there for her too, she becomes an important part of the treatment plan. You frequently ask for her comments, questions, and feedback throughout the visit. Her presence is welcomed in sessions, not mandated by the state or an agency policy.
The message of “we’re in this together” can be powerful.
While most of us are not social workers, psychologists, and most of us don’t really go to work looking to make new friends, some days, that’s what a mom needs more than anything. I’m all for maintaining boundaries and keeping things professional, but especially for those of us who do home visits in early intervention, we need to meet mom where she is and go from there.
This also reduces the possibility that moms feel “judged.”
Unless, of course, you’re doing just that. Many moms of children with special needs feel so much misplaced, unnecessary guilt over their child’s unavoidable situation that they can’t bear one more ounce of unreasonable pressure. Let go of any tendency to overtly or unconsciously blame parents for developmental issues, even if you do feel that there are things in a child’s environment that are less than optimal. Except for situations of severe abuse and neglect, almost every child on your caseload would likely have had a delay anyway, regardless of the kind of parenting he’s received. Period.
In case you’re thinking that these kinds of unfair criticisms don’t happen, how many times have you heard a therapist remark something like, “He gets away with everything at home. No wonder he’s the way he is.” Isn’t that a statement of judgment? Do we really want to go back to the time when we blamed a child’s mother for everything that goes wrong developmentally? If you’re in doubt, read the information on the causes of autism from the 1950’s and 1960’s. It’s scary!
When you do observe things that can be improved, give mom the information and assistance she needs to make the change and move on from there. Criticizing her week after week will probably only make things worse. Truth be told, she may think you’re not so great at your job either…
You’ve probably read this quote before, but it’s so applicable here:
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Making a mom feel heard, valued, and supported may be the best thing you ever do for a child on your caseload.
That’s important every day, but especially now!
If you haven’t told the moms of the kids you see “Happy Mother’s Day,” it’s not too late!
Start out your visits next week with those words. She may not have heard that greeting from anyone all weekend, and you may never know how much she desperately needs to hear it.
If you’re the mom of a toddler with developmental challenges, I want to tell you myself…
Happy Mother’s Day!
You’ve certainly earned it.
Sign Up for your
Free Book
Subscribe
Subscribe to the Podcast in iTunes
Browse Products
Featured Product
Recent Posts
Teach Me To Talk Testimonials
Happy Therapists, Teachers, Parents & Children
"Hello Miss Laura,
First, I would like to thank you for all you do for us moms who are lacking support in the autism community, and thank you for providing tons of information and resources to help our bright children. I myself benefited so much from watching your videos and reading your daily emails. I cannot stress enough how much all this information helped my toddler. Of course, getting an autism diagnosis for your child is extremely scary (she was diagnosed at 2 years old) and I was depressed and did not know what autism was, how it affected children, and how to teach children struggling with this condition. However, your videos helped me to find light in my child and now I am your biggest fan! I rewatch your videos over and over again to make sure I didn't miss anything that can help my daughter. I even purchase two books- Autism workbook and Teach me to Play. My toddler was completely non-verbal, she didn't know how to imitate, no eye contact, no pointing.. you name it she didn't have any skills and I didn't know how to teach her! And that is until I discover ed You- my toddlers (Fairy: smiling_face_with_3_hearts:)!
Now she is little sweet 2.5 years old and she says "mama" (I cried when she said that magic word), she waves bye bye or hi, she points, she gives "high 5", her joint attention is great and overall she is doing so much better! And that's all because I have been doing everything you described in your books and videos! I. My mind I always play "repetition, repetition and repetition", teaching her everything through play that she so much enjoys!!! I can write forever explaining how much I taught her through yr videos and books! And the most amazing thing is that her speech therapist is a big fan of yours as well so it worked out perfectly since we understand each other and work based on your teachings! The therapist even owns the same books I own ...I am so grateful that my toddler has such an amazing therapist; especially the one that understands autism and is ready for a real challenge! God bless you for all you do and I cannot wait for my toddler blossom.. you gave me hope and lit the light inside me. And I'm determined to work with my girl :)"
"Dear Laura Mize and Team,
Thank you so much for all your hard work and publishing books! Our 17-month-old toddler suddenly exploded into speaking and imitating everybody's gestures and sounds, just a week or two after we 'completed' all activities that are listed under 11 pre-linguistic skills! Your method really works!"
Grateful customer.
"Hi Laura!
I absolutely LOVE all of your workbooks, especially your Autism Workbook. Starting with Social Games has been a game changer for many of my littles with ASD and their families. It's been the best way for them to finally connect and sustain shared attention and engagement, leading to longer social interactions, through play!"
Jodie, Dev, Therapist
"Hi Ms. Laura,
Thank you so much for the videos you have posted on your youtube channel. They are so direct, informative, and helpful. Thank you for being a resource for me to become a better therapist."
Dianne
"Hi Laura - I just wanted to say I received my copies of the Apraxia workbooks yesterday and I LOVED workbook 1 (not ready for 2). I'm on chapter 8 and going through the questions carefully so I'm prepared to help my son. I knew it was a great book when you acknowledged the fact that sometimes therapists and doctors don't bring a positive and supportive vibe when diagnosing. I remember being terrified at the mention of apraxia and ASD by both because they had these very concerned looks and made it seem like it was a death sentence. I know now (in LARGE PART, THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR VIDEOS) that it doesn't have to be!! I see a future for him now. You SINGLE-HANDEDLY, through your books and videos have empowered me to help my son after the doctors and therapists have gone home. You've given me strategies, play ideas, plans on how to keep moving forward. I don't always do things right, but I know I'm on the right track and I love that I can reference, and re-reference your books to help me keep going. As I was reading the book, I was so proud of myself because I've used strategies from your previous books and it felt good because I could check off a lot of the skills that you discuss. So, thank you for all your previous books as well!!"
"Gosh, I love all of your emails/podcast/website, just everything!! I work in early intervention as a behavior analyst and am learning so much from you!"
Thank you!
Hailey
"Laura,
I love your work! I am a professor of early childhood special education and a speech language pathologist! I have worked to help children learn to communicate and I know how valuable the information you share is for both early interventionists and pediatric speech language pathologists!
Thank you for systematically organizing and explaining essential steps for young children to learn and develop. You are having a great impact on our profession, the ECE profession and families!"
Sincerely,
David
"Thank you.
If this is Laura herself reading this email let me take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you have put forth for us professionals. I own every manual (except the autism manual) and have watched every course on DVD. I have listened to countless podcasts. All of what I’ve come to be as an Early Intervention speech therapist was absolutely to your credit. With your resources at my side I have never needed to scramble for answers and strategies and above all the clear language I use when communicating with parents. My fun, animated affect and key phrases I use have been learned through watching your example. So….thank you! May you be blessed."
Chaya
"I just wanted to thank you so much for your incredible help! You are so kind and lovely and every time I implement something you've taught in your manuals or videos it is always a success, I cannot thank you enough. I really appreciate how specific you are in giving us examples of wording to use and how to use a toy in therapy with your videos, it is exactly what I need to properly help my little students. I also really appreciate your list of books of list of toys. I have seen my little students make significant progress thanks to you. I'm looking forward to watching more of your videos, taking more of your CEU's, and reading more of your materials. From the bottom of my heart: thank you so much again!!"
Lauren
"Dear Laura,
What an inspiration!
Thank you for helping me be a better Developmental Therapist. I often listen to your podcasts which help me help families.
Your enthusiasm, professionalism and
the sheer volume of information is so great.
You are part of my team.
I just wanted you to know I appreciate you."
Margaret
"Dear Laura,
Thank you for your generosity in sharing so much knowledge in such a clear and enthusiastic way.
As a retired audiologist with a fabulous and language delayed grandson, I used your podcasts and outstanding publication, The Autism Workbook, to inspire and guide me over the past year.
It works!! He went from barely verbal, no gestures, didn't respond to his name etc etc to a verbal, social, curious, ready to imitate anything, fill in the blanks on familiar "set" speech, generate his own totally appropriate and mostly understandable sentences...not just short phrases anymore... full little paragraphs...about imaginary things, what he did during the day, what he wants. True communication!
You make a powerful difference in this world! ❤"
"Laura Mize, you are a Godsend. I don’t know how one human can have so many helpful things to say in a beautifully organized way, so often. Always amazes me when another super helpful email comes from you, and for free. With free YouTube videos and cheap CEUs. THANK YOU!!!"
Sheila, Canada
"I purchased the book on autism and have watched the #400s series podcasts. Laura Mize has been more effective in teaching autistic tendencies, than many professors, shadowing professions, and the 100s of books, articles and classes or videos, or live workshop speakers, have been at teaching effective practices for a child with ASD. Some of the many lessons she has taught, which I will now use, to be a more effective Interventionist, include but are not limited to: red flags, typical behaviors, self-stimulating behaviors, not taking away toys, rather showing child to play with toy appropriately. She gives examples of child's actions, "inappropriate," explains the reason for: why the child is engaging in these behaviors and how they can be replaced with more appropriate, effective fuctional and age-appropriate skills."
"I’m sure Laura gets these messages all the time, but I thought I’d share. I stumbled across Laura‘s "Autism or Speech Delay?" YouTube video when I really needed it. This video finally listed and explained some of the red flags my son was showing for autism. I share the link anytime a parent is questioning in my FB autism group. This mother I don’t even know said Laura's video changed her life. I know exactly how she feels because It changed families too. Thank you to everyone at Teach Me To Talk."
LINDSAY
"Good Morning Laura,
I received your book (The Autism Workbook) yesterday and it is absolutely amazing! As I evaluate young children (0-3) for developmental delays and write plans for them with their parents, there are a ton of ideas that are ready to use. Others that reinforce what I have been doing, and saying, all along. Thank you so, so much for writing this incredible book and pulling everything together in one place!"
FRANCINE IN MICHIGAN
"Thank you very much for sharing your knowledge, experience, and guidance.
I’m a parent who bought the autism workbook and it’s the only clear resource I found to make a change in my son. I’m really thankful to Ms. Laura for helping out people like us all over the world."
"Laura Mize, all I have to say is that ALL YOUR STRATEGIES WORK."
ANNE, YouTube viewer
"We have 7 SLPs in our preschool (public) program for special needs children (ages 3-5) and we use your courses, books, and techniques every day! :-) We have seen our preschoolers make such great gains!"
"I just received Teach Me to Play With You, and it is ALREADY WORKING! WOW!
Girl…my son is 3 years old, and he NEVER asks for something using words. We were playing “Get Your Belly” (from Teach Me to Play WITH You), and after several times, he laughed and screamed "BEWIEEE!!!" It was a hoot. And I can't believe he said it! I have played with him like this before, but this time I took your advice and acted CRAZY!! I will act like a total lunatic if it will get him to talk to me! Now I can give him "the look" from across the room, and he will say it. That manual is so amazingly practical, and it is a GODSEND right now! Thank you SO MUCH!”
"I wanted to send you a quick email to say thank you. I started watching your videos/podcasts about 4 months ago. My son has gone from losing words he previously used, only having about 7 words at his 2 year check up in August (assessed at a blended 10 month language level) -- to now having so many words, increased social engagement, following commands, spontaneously requesting things, and naming letters & numbers (not in order) as well as colors. We had our monthly meeting with our SLP through the state infants & toddlers program and it felt like we were just bragging the whole time, but I knew in the back of my head it was because I have been using strategies you taught me.
We still have so much work to do with our sweet boy, but I know in my heart he would not have succeeded without the education you provided. I will continue to read your emails & watch videos as we go along this journey and face challenges, but credit is due to you, Laura.
Thank you so much, endlessly."
KATIE
"I just want to tell how fortunate I feel to have found your website and you!! I became a special instructor in EI almost a year ago and I started with hardly any applicable training. I felt so lost and confused as how to help the kids I work with learn how to use words and play. Honestly, I didn't even understand the importance of play, although I always played with my kids. But, once I started to watch your podcasts and get some of your manuals I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that I could finally teach these kids and their families something of value from a real therapist and based on research!. Thank you so much for seeing the need to help other EI service providers and providing a forum to share your knowledge and years of valuable experience. I'm sure you get a lot of these emails every week if not every day, but I wanted to make I could add to those notes of gratitude!! THANK YOU again!!"
SS
"Just wanted to say a HUGE thank you for these emails and your books, I have them all and they have seriously saved and improved my sessions with my kiddos. Huge thank you."
REBECCA
"I was very frustrated with how speech therapy was going for my child. I would take him and drop him off and not hear much of anything from his therapist and teachers other than, "He had a good (or a bad!) day." Your materials were invaluable for us because I learned how to work with him on his speech. I learned how to teach him to talk and play. I learned how to pay attention to his cues and work with him to teach him to communicate. Without it, I have no doubt he still wouldn’t talk."
BRITNEY
"Hi! I just wanted to say (from an SLT perspective) how incredibly useful I am finding absolutely all of your articles, blogs and resources - I only discovered your site last month and have just received all your books which I feel I am learning more than on my entire university training course!! But also the way in which you give specific, realistic, fun, encouraging ideas for working with parents is really just fantastic, I only wish I have your site sooner! Thanks so much from the UK! Kind regards."
HANNAH
"I just wanted to reach out to say thank you for making things a little easier to manage for me this year. I made the transition from school SLP to private therapist about a year ago. While the change was welcome, it was a lot, and I was just getting my footing in the clinic when I began teletherapy full time. Your website has been a huge lifeline in helping me work with late talkers and coach their parents in an accessible but effective way, even remotely. I look forward to getting your emails each week. I am floored by the amount of valuable, free information that your website provides, and I’m looking forward to investing in your workbooks soon. A sincere thank you for all you do!"
ALLISON
"You are an inspiration! I am truly grateful for the way you put into words and writing how to do what we do as SLPs. At this time in my 13 years of practicing, I find your encouragement keeps me going. As a single mom, I find it a stretch to buy materials these days and I am so thankful for the freebies you so generously share that help me teach my families. I don’t have much time to put together lists or quick references for parents!! Much gratitude!!"
ANDREA
Laura thank you so much. Btw, you have transformed my therapy- I have become such a competent and strong therapist after watching probably like 350 of your videos and podcasts over the past few years. And I am a seasoned therapist with almost 25 years experience. (Yes prob 350 episodes ha!) But there was still a lot I learned from you. I have such a thorough understanding of birth to 3 development and how to properly incorporate appropriate therapeutic goals, techniques and strategies now, thanks to you. Kelly
Hi Laura,I want to thank you so much for the resources you provide, my daughter has delayed speech and though she qualifies for CDS. Honestly the most progress she has made in her speech/language development has been after I implemented your 5 top strategies for delayed talkers! She is now almost 2.5 and her vocabulary is well over 75 (I haven’t counted recently, could be over 100) words when at 2 she barely had four words. Honestly the last few months have been a transformation for her.
Ann
